In response to scarcely intelligible reader criticism that “long reviews make our brains hurt,” we present a special sound bite review format. It has been lovingly handcrafted for those whose limited intellectual capacities are based solely on twitch responses. Feel free to only read the sentence you like best, then frenetically surf to another web page in a desperate attempt to cram your brain with half-comprehended irrelevancies. Our precious few readers with adequate mental faculties can chortle at the hidden innuendoes and olieballen insinuated below.
Purporting to play “media” of the “windows” variety, we can only surmise that this application is intended to display voyeuristic dirty pictures.
Featuring hilariously inept “Aqua” style controls, we believe this to be one of the rare examples where metal would have been a more sensible user interface.
Weighing in at a substantial 7.3MB, Windows Media Player appears to have been coopered rather than conceived.
The two principle design goals of WiMP for Mac OS X appear to be: A) Instability, B) Inability to play most Windows Media files.
Gratuitous use of Geneva 9 causes other applications to mock and abuse WiMP, causing it to eat pastries as a substitute for love and respect.
WiMP, we almost feel sorry for you. We hope you will use this 10.8 to shave your palms, and buy a new waistcoat.
Posted by ladd at April 24, 2003 04:20 PM | TrackBackIsn't this the software that wants my Administrator password to install, too? Nice try, Microsoft, but there's no way I'm going to give you that kind of access to my Mac.
The advantage is that there's lots of porn available in the WiMP format. And it's not metal... yet.
Here's an interesting bit. Microsoft, for some reason, felt the need to completely reimplement the graphical interface. That means, even if you have a custom theme (like me), it'll still show up in Aqua. That must mean, of course, that WiMP X stores the Aqua controls somewhere inside itself, which, technically, is a violation of Apple's copyright.
Posted by: gabber bot on April 24, 2003 05:50 PMExcellent review -- perhaps next we can have a grand-slam of the whole office suite.
Nice and concide too - good for those of use who?
Posted by: Diggory on April 24, 2003 06:28 PMHmm - movable type does not like less-than or greater-than signs in posts.
anyway - As I was saying, nice and concise for those of us who.... {poster loses concentration and wanders off to CARS / ThinkSecret / LazyMolesOnAcidRumors.com}
I love short things, like fireplugs and grass and worms. I spend a lot of time lying on the ground thinking short thoughts. So restful.
Posted by: spastic colon on April 24, 2003 06:45 PMGood. Short. Accurate. The priest untied his shoes. He wiped his forehead. The sun was hot ...
Posted by: Ernest Hemingway on April 24, 2003 07:06 PMAt exactly 4:20 today ladd presented us with a tribute to his secret past-time. Smoking pot and watching crappy .wmv porn. God bless him for his triumphant heroism.
Posted by: phronemo on April 24, 2003 07:35 PMLadd must truly hate this program as there isn't even a link to the download site.
That or he has enough confidence in our ability to navigate the web and figure things out for ourselves...yeah I'm gonna stop right there. Ladd has no confidence in our (the readers) mental thought processes.
He just hates the program and wants to spare us the misery.
VLC or MPlayer can play any WMV file I throw at it, and without sucking, I might add.
Posted by: Razjml on April 24, 2003 08:05 PMIsn't GIR the best character on TV today? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Posted by: Zim on April 24, 2003 08:38 PMThis was insulting. Not all of us have short attention spa
Posted by: Durf on April 24, 2003 10:05 PMHe!! LazyMolesOnAcidRumors.com doesn't even exists, Diggory!
Anyway, if you want porn, better visit http://sleazy.macfreak.org !! You know you'll like it! (promise: no WiMP or PiMP needed!)
Posted by: not so bright... on April 25, 2003 02:33 AMAnd the Lord didst look down from Heaven, and didst see the men hunched over their keyboards, with their credit card in one hand and their peter in their right.
And the Lord didst say unto them, "Get thy hand off it! For thou art pigs among men!"
And the men didst grunt twice, stop breathing momentarily, then sigh deeply and say, "Aaaaaaah!"
And Beelzebub didst look upon them, and smile with satisfaction, and say unto God: "See, told you if I gave them half a chance, and half a media app, they'd pull it till it bled!"
And the Lord didst roll his eyes and say, "Bollocks!"
Posted by: Reverend Lovejoy on April 25, 2003 04:59 AMOlieballen literally means "oil balls." And they do call jelly donuts "Berliners."
I haven't been to Hannover, but I have been to Hamburg. It's a pretty neat town, very happening. You've seen St.Pauli Girl beer, right, with the buxom serving wench on the label? Well, St.Pauli is actually the red-light district of Hamburg, so "St.Pauli Girl" has a different meaning when you know that!
Posted by: Kris Kristofferson on April 25, 2003 08:31 AMOoho, review...
Oohh, plastic bag, plastic bag!
The only problem with this review is that the subject really deserves a dissection of how evil the application is.
I hate not being able to view the video while scrubbing through the timeline, for example, and the annoying delays after you've scrubbed before you see a picture.
This is an exceptionally poor application, even for something coming from an evil company.
Thanks for the 'vlc/mplayer' tip - I'll have to check 'em out. They surely can't be any worse than this.
D
Posted by: David H Dennis on April 25, 2003 11:23 AMWiMP has to support JavaScript based skins (have you ever seen one? I haven't). That's why it has to fake it's interface. They couldn't have it support JS skins and the Aqua interface. And to boot, it doesn't support most porn movies you throw at it.
Posted by: Rosyna on April 26, 2003 02:04 AMRosyna -- that's bull. QuickTime has supported skins, too (since version 5), and it manages to have a (mostly) compliant and regular interface.
All it takes is an if statement to draw the UI using the Javascript skin if it exists, otherwise draw the regular UI.
Posted by: Oneota on April 26, 2003 09:59 AMjealous bastards! This app rockz, just as all Microsoft apps do!
Posted by: duh on April 26, 2003 12:23 PMNo, that was the reason I was given by MS when I asked about it because windowshade doesn't exactly support WIMP fully.
Posted by: Rosyna on April 26, 2003 02:13 PMwindows should make buttplugs, just an idea.
bluebuttplugofjoy?
Posted by: morrell on April 27, 2003 01:05 AMCould you guys please convert to the QuickTime format some porn that this "WiMP" program displays and post it on PerversionTracker. This request is purely for educational purposes, if you know what I mean.
We can use this information to get Apple to start a porn file sharing site.
Posted by: a man who only types with one hand. on April 27, 2003 09:28 AMIt's not just on the Mac version of WiMP that you can't see the video while scrubbing through it. It happens that way on every PC version that has ever existed. Also, the delay that occurs after jumping to a specific spot in the media occurs on the Windows side, too. Microsoft probably thinks this is some sort of feature. I mean, everybody knows that they certainly aren't the worst possible coders on the planet, right? Right? Guys? *cricket, cricket*
Jared
Posted by: Jared Cash on April 28, 2003 11:32 AMIf you ask me, (wich i know no will do) you people need to get a life, I mean come on! you search the web for fifteen minutes a day!, do you know what you could be doing instead of just being criticts? People are tryin to do a good job in making Mac softwear, and you people are here complaining you'r asses off! get used to it! life is not going to be perfect, and being little bitches about it isn't going to make anything any better, and even if the maker of the thing you are complaining about does come here, do you think that he (or she) is going to beg for your forgivness and make a new program just for one little brat like you, HELL NO! i should know, I made some Mac products. And to you who are not complaining, but basically saying the same thing that i am sayin, YOU RULE!!! WOOO, WOOO, WOOO, oh and by the way this is to all you little bicthes that are complaining about Mac products, GET OVER IT!
Posted by: Evan, and guess wha? i'm givin you a wake up call! on December 6, 2003 07:38 PMi agree with Evan over here! you guys here could learn a little something from him! GOOD JOB EV!!!!
well well well....you're reading what i'm writing again now aren't yah!? looks like you guys have nothing better to do! Don't you have a life? Do u jusr sit your stubborn asses on you computer chairs all day? go shovel snow! get some fresh air! do something with your life.... cause the internet isn't good for your eyes!
Posted by: it's me again!!! so wake up and smell the coffee! on December 6, 2003 07:59 PMwell well well....you're reading what i'm writing again now aren't yah!? looks like you guys have nothing better to do! Don't you have a life? Do u just sit your stubborn asses on you computer chairs all day? go shovel snow! get some fresh air! do something with your life.... cause the internet isn't good for your eyes!
Posted by: it's me again!!! so wake up and smell the coffee! on December 6, 2003 08:00 PMwell well well....you're reading what i'm writing again now aren't yah!? looks like you guys have nothing better to do! Don't you have a life? Do u just sit your stubborn asses on you computer chairs all day? go shovel snow! get some fresh air! do something with your life.... cause the internet isn't good for your eyes!
Posted by: it's me again!!! so wake up and smell the coffee! on December 6, 2003 08:00 PMwell well well....you're reading what i'm writing again now aren't yah!? looks like you guys have nothing better to do! Don't you have a life? Do u just sit your stubborn asses on you computer chairs all day? go shovel snow! get some fresh air! do something with your life.... cause the internet isn't good for your eyes!
Posted by: it's me again!!! so wake up and smell the coffee! on December 6, 2003 08:00 PM