First Post!
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[Edit: Keep this boring "first posting" up, and we'll start banning people who use it from commenting!]

you guys are not fucking funny

Mr. Suck:

Actually, I had completely hilarious relations with a woman just the other night. While perhaps not up to your own undoubtedly exalted standards, we found it funny enough. But then, we don't have ready access to the big red nose and the huge floppy feet like you do.

Fourth Post!
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Was this decision to not be funny any more made using "Decision Maker 1.64", or did the GMC force you to such extremes? People (and monkeys) want to know!

Dear Mr. u suck,

How did you know we were gang banging "Funny"? Are you saying you are fucking Funny? I was fucking Funny long before you were fucking Funny. If we are are all fucking Funny, won't naomi get jealous? Now that's fucking Funny, if you know what I mean.

Hoo ha, you fellows are a hoot. A bit like old Mad magazine, with all the vomiting and defication and flem...uh, fication caused by poor quality. Yes'm. Me thinks you should wirte everything in "Fuddian" using Worst Post Ho however. or something. Heh.

Please ask your psychotic telemarketer to find out what the median age of PvT readership is. I'm guessing 17?

Hi. If you guys are so successful does that mean that Ladd won't be going to the county fairs anymore with his big hard rubber paddle?

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, might as well go and eat worms. But to sell the whole enterprise to get rid of me? Oh, the indignity! It very much reminds me of the time my parents sent me to the store for milk and bread, and moved interstate while I was gone. I should have known. We were all allergic to milk ...

Belvedere, saddle up the iguana. It's time to decamp once more, to adventures unknown on horizons afar. And make sure you pack the backgammon board and a couple of flagons of Old Codpiece '63. A man needs *some* home comforts, after all!

Oh aussie boy,

We don't love to hate you, we hate to love you.

OK PEOPLE, LISTEN UP GOOD! AUSSIE BOY IS FEELING DEEP EMOTIONS OF TOTAL INADEQUACY. NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO TELL HIM THAT BELVEDERE IS DEAD AND HE SHOULD GET BACK ON THE MEDS HIS DOCTOR PRESCRIBED FOR HIM.

Poor, poor, aussie boy. Are you feeling better now? You want us to tuck you in? Can old Norm read you a bedtime story?

Hey Aussie Boy,
I would like to procure your BluePencil publication services. How much will it cost to have you proofread all of my comments?

P.S. You smell like poop.

I like aussie boy. He's like a free-agent id. With a penchant for missteps in the genetic code of the Australian econiche. You don't see that a lot, on other websites.

I love you. Will you marry me?

Are you trying to provoke a hemorrhagic defection, or a hemorrhagic defecation upon Crazy Apple Rumors? At least that would be payback for poor Chuckles.

"Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of [comments like those from Mr. Suck] may speedily pass away."

If you really want to cause a mass reader exodus, simply have another literary reference contest, but instead using the literary stylings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, pick someone, say, like Sir Walter Scott or Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra. Should work like a charm!

The median age of PvT readers is 9-but-I'll-be-10-next-month. Your median pants size is a 52 short. 85% of you wear unusually "supportive" undergarments, while the other 15% prefer to go commando. Half of you are functionally illiterate; the other half just can't read. That isn't your real hair color. 28% of you believe that Sri Lanka is a new kind of cheesy snack cracker; 72% are now chanting "cheesy snack cracker" over and over. Half of you like cats; the other half prefer pork. None of you can curse worth a damn. You all have very high self-esteem, due to the psychotropic drugs. 10% of you believe in God; 30% believe in love; 60% believe you'll have another beer.

I would also like to comment on the suggested link between the hemorrhagic defection (or defecation, as the spirit moves you) and the Global Monkey Conspiracy. But I can't. Because there's an angry chimpanzee standing right behind my chair and any minute now, she'll learn to re

Ooo oo! We take this human woman prisoner! Ooo oooo! Send us bananas and Nutella, or she dies! Oooo oooo oo! Beware, we have poo and know how to fling it! Ooooo!

The person calling themselves 'Mr. Bubbles (Monkey Overlord)" must cease and desist using the moniker 'Mr. Bubbles' or any variation thereof.

There is no conspiracy. Pay no attention to that chimp behind you.

Sirs,
This phrase:
"...make our reviews less and less funny...."
will not parse through our ReallyBasic-programmed hyperlogic HAL-9001 (g5 based).
The equation below described the problem;
PVT * f/t2
Where t2 is an arbitrary time following t1, "F" is the standard constant for funny (3 south american spider monkeys in one Anchor Steam barrel is the measure of f) and PVTf is Perversion trackers extracted "fun" at the particular time interval.

The challenge here is the inequality " However, exhustive analysis (well, I'm exhausted by it) indicates that for ANY time "t" the expression "PVTf * f" is always 0. And 0 divided by any value of t is always 0.

If PVT had at any time "t" been funny, we could solve this expression, or at least disprove it. However, since PVT has avoided "funny" since it's inception, we must reject the theorum you posited today.
Thank you for your time (t).
Fluff T. Bunnie, Esq.

Hello, I am Lamp
All is good,
All is OK,
All is good,
All is OK

Apparently, *some* comments can still be, hm, interesting. And *a few* things apparently bypassed the Humor Prevention Mechanism(TM). Still, the growing number of eyeballs just shows the Web effect.
Anyone said Mahir? All Your Base? Hamster Dance?

Let's slashot PvT! Let's PVC Slashdot!

Out of morbid curiosity, I went back and reviewed the early days of PvT. This was rather difficult, as the sediment from several geological epochs, not to mention accumulated bat poop, made the excavation both expensive and time-consuming. I was hard-pressed to fully understand what I was reading, since the cultural parameters between that age and our own are so different. Ahh, the Golden Age of PvT, before either Aussie Boy or Naomi...

Two weeks. That's how long it took before serious whining began. That was a whole four months ago.

Okay, and while we're on the whole 'reality' subject:

Chimpanzees are not monkeys.

Thus, since Naomi appears to currently a prisoner of a chimp, it would appear that the Great Monkey Conspiracy has spread to higher primates. It seems that we are confronted with the Great Ape Conspiracy.

We need guns. Lots of them.

Just to break with tradition for a moment and comment on the article (sort of): is it just me or is CARS recntly recycling old Letterman jokes? Like the one today about the bond trader upgrading Apple's stock, snack foods, and his own pants? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this stuff 20 years ago, but my doctor said I had to cut back on deja vu or I would go blind.

Dear Bob:

As I recall the conversation, it was somewhat different than you would seem to imply. What I actually told you was that Ms. Vu's 'associate', Mr. XM Ded, would put an ice-pick through your retina if you continued to insist on free trade with aforesaid corpus delicioso. In the same session, I also explained that Mr. Ded had expressed concerns about your 'dissin' the staff of a certain online gossip organization, since they were a source of a notable part of his income. But I'm sure that, with the great strides in communication that we've made in our last few sessions, you and Mr. Ded will have no problems in resolving this trifling conflict. I'm almost positive that we've resolved your paranoid tendancies. So, just get into that big limo when it pulls up next to you on the street and tells you to get in! You are the man!

Liebnitz, you're forgetting about the Warren Commission -- better make that the GPC (Great Primate Conspiracy).

s/Great/Global/

Hi.
I'm Happy Fun Ball.
Play with me.
I won't explode.
Honest.

The Warren Commission post was very funny. Thank you.

i need some sexy,naked,nude womens posters and screensaver

thank u

i will be waiting 4 your e-mail