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“By specification of the number of the appropriate prayers and following click on the penalty key the QuickPrayer prays for the prayer which is at time pressure.” Originally a German language application, QP 2001 claims to be fully translated into English but ha ha ha ha ha ha the yolk’s on you, heretical Anglocentric pig-dogs, because it’s still in German.
Like a tidal wave in Rixster’s kiddie pool, this application first stimulates a gleeful moment of mayhem, followed in short order by a gleeful movement of bowels. But nein, nein, our first impression is wrong this time — just like when we assumed chimpanzees could not possibly have access to fluffy blond wigs and spike heels — and the initial glossopharyngeal promise of QP 2001 is sadly desertified by its ponderously self-aware satire. And have we mentioned that it’s still in German?
The website created by these low-budget monsters — who are surely damned to eternity in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge just for giving us the “Mister Jesus Christ” prayer — is fronted by a disclaimer that we shall reproduce below as a cautionary tale to our nine devoted readers (300% increase from last month! Woo hoo! GO PVT!) who are statistically prone to author similar mutations if left to their own unwashed mechanical devices:
“This Homepage contents Material, which might shock your Morality. It is STRICLY recommended to use it as satire. We want you expicit to know, that the usage of this Websites contents is reserved for those, who do not take offence at the topics, wich caricturize church or catholic faith. So we beg you after entering the Site, not to flame us or something like that.”
ConfessionBrothers, you are as purely idealistic as California’s gubernatorial pie-eating contest, and for that we salute you stiffly. But for everything else, we proffer a histrionically guttural 9.8.
Posted by naomi at August 24, 2003 12:00 AM | TrackBackPost first!
I didn't know Jesus Christ was German. Go figure.
Posted by: fuddes on August 24, 2003 11:17 AMWow, a program that prays for me?!? This is like so spectactularly awesome I'm afraid it borders upon heresy. But its the weekend and I don't do the "Inquisitor thing" on the weekends. Well, not all weekends...Today my biggest problem is deciding if I want to purchase the 14 disc DVD collection of Monty Python's Flying Circus, or save up a bit more and purchase a TV tuner for my laptop for college. Decisions, decisions.
Now I know I'm a devoted reader...so is fuddes....um....Previously Insane is 3....who else is there? ROLL CALL!
That's easy Laem. MP:FC. It gets more use than any other box-set in my collection. Actually, disk 6 gets more use than most DVD's period. It doesn't get any better than 'The Buzz Aldrin Show'. Funny Stuff.
Devoted reader right here, baby!
I'm so gald there is a program that prays for me now. I can stop getting up at 5am and praying until 7am to cleanse myself from all the killing. Atonement sucks ass.
Posted by: Nick on August 24, 2003 01:26 PMThe Comment Space Waster Pro™ Server is shut down because of a virus alert. There will not be any Comment Space Waster Pro™ Posts here until the server is cleaned. Bye. I know you'll miss me.
Posted by: Comment Space Waster Pro™ 1.0.1 on August 24, 2003 04:11 PMYou may not read a lot by me, but I am a devoted reader alright. I somehow stopped posting intoxicated, for when I come home during the last weeks, I need some dose of Placebo or Lou Reed to calm down, which somehow preoccupies me . Meatspace can be quite exciting!
Posted by: Younghart on August 24, 2003 08:02 PMI'm devoted, too.
Posted by: Rose on August 24, 2003 08:08 PMWill the Lite version be called Like A Prayer 1.0?
Posted by: Balthazar on August 24, 2003 08:40 PMWill they make a Jewish port of their software?
Posted by: One who knows on August 24, 2003 08:59 PMI want the athiests version.
Posted by: Balthazar on August 24, 2003 10:36 PMI'll devote you, baby.
Posted by: Huck on August 25, 2003 04:03 AMCan't we just skip the whole product-reviewing crud and get a new picture of Naomi-with-hat every day?
I mean, really, deep down, don't we all just want some good lovin' from .. a hat?
Posted by: Thuros M. on August 25, 2003 06:58 AMNow Available:
Perversion Tracker Devotion Tracker Pro® 1.0 (also known as PvTDvTP), the only program that will accurately gauge your devotion to Ladd, Naomi and Jan (and Piglet Bob in version 1.0.1) and post resulting sycophantic comments accordingly. Our breakthrough electromagnetic brain wave analyzer combines the prayer generation of QuickPrayer 2001, the first post recognition of FirstPostPro, and the space wasting ability of Comment Space Waster Pro, all into one miraculous program. Your devotion should not go unrewarded! Order PvTDvTP today, and as a special bonus, receive absolutely free, a personal rant from Rixter on the obsolescence of the Mac OS! This is a limited time offer, so order now!
Posted by: Mickey Knox on August 25, 2003 07:48 AMIch lieb dich nicht, du liebst mich nich! Da da da!
Posted by: Jackalope on August 25, 2003 10:18 AMIw'd tawk, .. bwd mm mfth if glwd tw tw cowwektf affef f tw puvufientwackw ftaff!
Posted by: Thuros M. on August 25, 2003 12:12 PMIn meatspace, everyone is your friend! I've inhaled a roast!
Posted by: James on August 25, 2003 02:56 PMOh crap. I can't make a pithy comment because our damn fire alarm is going off again.
Nice time to walk down eight stories.
Posted by: Fuckwit on August 25, 2003 03:02 PMIt's probably just a test. You should ignore it.
By the by, if I want to order PvTDvTP, can i order several, en masse, and get a discont? Also what is you policy regarding updates? Do I get them free or do I have to pay 100 bucks like fucking Acrobat 6. That's the last time I buy The Adobe Design Sweet. I guess what i'm saying is, sign me up. Also do you have any utilities that can make me seem witty?
Posted by: Nick on August 25, 2003 06:21 PMThere really needs to be a way to fix my spelling atrocities.
discont? Sweet?
what am I retarded?
Posted by: Nick on August 25, 2003 06:24 PMNick,
We consider it possible.
Posted by: Ladd on August 25, 2003 11:01 PMLadd, I'm forwarding to you my Inquisitorial agents' reports on Nick's status of retardedness. Please burn and/or consume the documents following your having read them. I suggest Tabasco sauce.
Posted by: Laemkral on August 25, 2003 11:30 PM"ConfessionBrothers, you are as purely idealistic as California’s gubernatorial pie-eating contest"
Heh heh, you said "goober".
Posted by: Robo on August 26, 2003 10:11 AMI am devoted to staring at naomi's "moe".
Posted by: Hodag on August 26, 2003 01:55 PMLadd, Laem don't I get to at least defend myself against this heinous accusation of retardedness. Wait, I made the accusation against myself. I hereby release myself of any retarded wrong doing. Thereby freeing The Inquisition to pursue other "things".
Posted by: Nick on August 26, 2003 04:47 PMThese other "things" you speak of....they intrigue me....
Okay, my agents will be dispatched, and Space Marine Tom will escort you, Nick, to a reeducation seminar on not accusing yourself of retardation. I had to request a servitor for the mission! And those aren't easy to come by, what with them being mindless robot-human things...
At long last! I hope my reeducation goes well enought that I may follow in the footsteps of a great Inquisitor like yourself Laem. Bring on the mindless cyborg! Woo, and indeed Hoo!
Posted by: Nick on August 27, 2003 05:53 PM