I'd put in a first post if I still gave a damn. Seriously, why do I even come to this site anymore?

Does the chicken know she's incubating an ostrich egg?

That ostrich will rise up and liberate the ostriches from whoever's oppresing them.

Shells clearly has a problem with personal hygiene. Don't you people provide toilet paper for your chooks?

She looks like my Uncle in chicken drag.

Holy crap, why are you showing chicken asshole? with poop all over it? That's not fancy at all.

Fancy is as fancy does, fuddes.

Because I'm off on Christmas hols tomorrow -- a week on the sunny east coast of Australia -- I would like to take this opportunity to which everyone here (well, most of you, anyway) a very merry Christmas, or whatever other festival, religious or otherwise, you might be celebrating at this time of the year.

Grandmother! Belvedere can hardly put the star on top of the tree while you have him in a squirrel grip! Let go of them immediately!

Wither you go, and with whomever you spend the season (even if it's only yourself), may all your chestnuts be roasted ...

No, Grandma, not those chestnuts! Put the Zippo away and leave Belvedere alone!

Where was I? Harrumph! Yes, felicitations to you all. Don't be unkind to one another while I'm away. I shall be back to restore order some time before the New Year, which no doubt I will celebrate with an oaken vat of Chateau D'Etritus Sparkling Beaujolais and a stout "Huzzah!"

Take care, enjoy, and remember: The turkey is for eating!

Did somebody say my name?

- Murray

What's all this fuss about? Oh, right, it's my birthday. Don't buy me any shitty gifts or you'll all regret it. Except for those of you who don't believe in me. They don't believe in me, ergo, they don't celebrate christmas, ergo, no presents. Goddamn heathens. Sorry Dad.

I said 'ergo' twice and I don't care. "But why, Jesus?" you may ask yourself. And the answer is "Becasue I'm Jesus Christ and I can do whatever I want."