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In an unexpectedly piscine move, PerversionTracker LLC today announced a format shift from reviews of rancid, drippy, half-baked software to reviews of rancid, drippy, and entirely unbaked pieces of sushi.
“This is the most important strategic move we’ve ever made. Other than narrowly avoiding that wildly careening soap box derby racer, of course. We’ve already hired most of the writing staff from Midwest Sushi Fancier magazine, who are world-renowned for their in-depth knowledge of carp handroll sushi, and such flatlander delicacies as tempura-battered bull testicles” stated PerversionTracker’s editor-in-madagascar, Ladd Van Tol.
Other staff members concurred with the dynamic synergies produced by this tidal shift in core competencies. Jan Van Tol, contributing-editor-of-pudding, noted “We were really looking to exploit, I mean engage, the youth market with a fresh new concept. What could be fresher than sushi? Except of course if the yellowtail has already spent three weeks on an unrefrigerated cargo ship traveling from the Maldives. Our unprecedented coverage of rotten sushi will definitely energize the risk taker/decision maker element amongst our thrusting and turbulent readership.”
Naomi Van Tol, wwii-online-fanboy-offender-in-chief plans to overcome her irrational fear of sushi in the coming months. Without the faintest glimmer of malice, she explains “This all-sushi format is a definite win-win situation. All I have to do is kick back and watch my copious pool of brothers succumb to food poisoning. Then the sword of Edomae will be mine! All mine! Muhauhauahaaa!”
Her brothers were quick to discount this possibility, and have even established a sushi taste-testing lab, staffed by one John Moltz, so selected for his “gopher-like digestive tract.” Depending on the turnover rate, the Van Tols plan to extend similarly rewarding employment opportunities to other members of the readership at the earliest possible juncture.
Upcoming reviews are expected to include a shocking exposé of unwashed tripe nigiri, as well as a comprehensive survey of fancy chicken gunkan rolls.
Posted by ladd at April 1, 2004 02:59 PM | TrackBackHee Hee! I'm first again!
Q: Why is sushi eaten with chopsticks?
A: Because there is no spoon!
Posted by: Uncertain Future on April 1, 2004 03:05 PM"Sushi" is just a badly spelled form of the word "sucks". So sushi sucks.
Cannibal sushi is the only sushi worth eating. The best way to make cannibal sushi is through the use of my trusty U812 multi-mode wood chipper. I think I am going to enjoy this format shift.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on April 1, 2004 03:22 PMI knew something smelled funny and I didn't think it was me because I took a shower recently. OK, it wasn't today. Still, 4 months isn't that long, is it? Hey, it was still this year ...
Honestly, I like bad sushi. It smells just like skanky women and they are easy!
Some of you may remember me from a while back, but you're actually delusional. No one remembers me. Ever. Not even myself. I would explain that further, but I can't figure out who this person who claims to be me is.
Hey, if I download Rotten Sushi on my Mac, will that make it a Windoze machine?
Speaking of Windoze, does anyone have a Windoze Install Disk I could borrow for a day or two? I hear if you play them backwards you hear satanic messages ...
Alright, fine. I can hear you all the way over here. I'll disappear back into obscurity now ...
-W.C.
Posted by: Walking Contradiction on April 1, 2004 03:41 PMbadger
Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on April 1, 2004 04:46 PMI must say, I'm rather partial to sushi myself. And sashimi, and teppanyaki.
Japanese food in general has long had a rather great appeal to me.
Sadly, however, I no longer allow Belvedere to bring it into the house. It all has to do with Grandma, or rather where Grandma chooses to stash the leftover nori rolls on her person ...
But let's not go there, shall we. Rather distasteful, actually.
Posted by: aussie boy on April 1, 2004 05:18 PMI have a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on April 1, 2004 05:38 PMAhhh, yes, Mr. Longdongsilver! You try toru fugu, please! Mr. Ladd prepare it just for you! Umm, good!
Posted by: Dommy Arigato on April 1, 2004 05:49 PMHmmm...
Talk about discrimination - the article doesn't mention tapeworms even once. You'll be hearing from the People Who Talk About Tapeworms Society (PWTATS).
Power to the people!
I have nothing to say about the sushi.
I do want to congratulate the VanTols on having their software, Logorrhea, mentioned on MacCentral. Congrats on that.
Posted by: Laemkral on April 1, 2004 11:32 PMRIXSTER ALERT! Just noticed CLIX is available for download at VT. Dare you review it?
Fun link: molvania.com (Related story at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3592753.stm
> the article doesn’t mention tapeworms even once.
The obligatory tapeworm reference is cleverly nestled in my old review of WWII Online. We hope this satisfies the anoplocephiliac zealots of your Society, as we've already exceeded our monthly weight limit of intestinal parasites.
this is exactly the type of humor one finds on the CARS sight.
Leading me to comment again than CARS and PVT are created by the same person.
I have a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on April 5, 2004 12:14 PMI have a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on April 5, 2004 12:16 PMI have a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on April 5, 2004 12:17 PM