War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
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Gurgel Dolls have different properties than Humans. Even though Gurgel Dolls are dolls, they do have attributes. They each have a village they come from. Also, there are different fur and eye colors.
As we gaze lovingly upon our very own Gurgel Doll -- and believe us, it was well worth the long lines, the angry fellow shoppers who expressed their childish resentment of our superior arm extension by biting our ankles, the obscene catcalls directed at our skin-tight superhero costumes, the naked writhing of -- oooh, wait. This is going in the wrong direction.
Do over!
As we gaze lovingly upon our very own Gurgel Doll, we are suffused with a warm pinkish glow that is not in any way related to that wicked batch of homemade pomegranate wine. Or the broccoli schnapps. Or the dandelion brandy. Lies, wicked lies -- don't you believe a word of it!
The peculiar joy that is inspired by the Gurgel Doll Production Factory is not a result of drunken excess or toad-licking or religious conversion. No. The cause of our elation is, for reasons that should be obvious to you by now, nearly impossible to describe. Instead, we are forced to create a thinly stretched metaphor to convey the deeply percussive emotion that you, too, will feel when confronted with the juicy fruits of your Gurgel Doll labor.
Travel with us to the golden sminthophile's haystack of our imagination. Here we find a sumptuous sanctum -- a circular nest lined with stolen cotton and filled with love. Within this refuge from the hurly-burly hustle and bustle of the cruel outer world, a peaceful silence is broken only by the suckling of tiny mouths, the rhythmic twitch of a paw in pursuit of wayward fleas, the soft liquid trickle of a fresh urine scent trail, and the occasional squeeeak-SNAP that we all try, desperately, to ignore. Oh, the painful sweetness of it all!
Two Foot Tall Lighthouse, you speak with the tongues of angels when you say: "Everyone loves the program that has not practical values!" To thine own self be true, and grapple this 11.0 to thy soul with hoops of steel.
In Hillbilly Whack! you fight, collect boards to rebuild your broken shack, and run around at break neck speed. Goats, pigs, cows, chickens, and even a bear or two will challenge you along the way to saving Winnie May! But you'll be drinking moonshine to make the tasks -- like dodging drunken chickens -- easier!
With such an exciting premise, we were certain Hillbilly Whack would offer delights far beyond the pedestrian sensuality of aerosol cans of lard that have so occupied our grabbling little paws before now. And indeed, the thrills were just beginning! With an Evil Giant Hillbilly named Clem McNasty, the plot quickly became thick as a juicy dogtick.
Once immersed in the carnal delights of whacking mules with the wooden remnants of your shack, the rest of the world slips away into a dim distraction, leaving you concerned only with rescuing your darling Winnie May from the villainous Clem McNasty. Unfortunately, the masterful drama of the plot soon thins, thanks in part to a tepid sprite and control system that ran slow as molasses in winter time when more than a dozen hogs wandered on-screen. The monumental disappointment resulting from this near-implacable flaw caused in us a near fatal cramp of our pyloric valve, which we finally ameliorated through vigorous and repeated application of warm marmalade poultices.
Small Fry Studios, you ain't from around here are ya? Your comic timing is flawless, but your consarned Flash implementation rubs our taste-buds the wrong way. Please savor the slow-cooked flavor of a good ol' 7.6, as you strive to fortify this mild entertainment with rudimentary optimizations.
This plug adds snow flakes to your clip. "Why would I need that?" -- you'd ask. Well, for one, it frees you from filming your clips while using real snow, since you can add snow to any clip after the fact. Plus, it helps you to get into the winter spirit. Furthermore, it comes with more features and tricks than you can shake a christmas tree at.
With its smorgasbord of titillating options, running the gamut from "flake color" to "pile-up," we can hardly bear to remember our hardscrabble existence in the grim days before we discovered the Snow Flakes plug-in. Our home movies were gray, bloated and completely lifeless, much like Aunt Betty after last year's memorable Thanksgiving dinner.
Yes, we always tried our best to capture the gay fleeting spirit of the holidays, but it usually bit us savagely in a moist private region and escaped down the heating grate. Year after year, it was the same sad story, only varying by the extent of bandaging and skin grafts required. But this year will be different.
Now we can secretly tape our beloved family at a more relaxed and natural moment -- perhaps when they are defenestrating kittens, or sleeping off the nog in the woodshed -- then we can add snowflakes and a sleighbell-infested soundtrack to create the hollow illusion of holiday cheer. It's simply brilliant, in a cold and bitter sort of way, or it would be if the snowflakes didn't look so crappy.
This app reminds us of the true meaning of the holidays. It's not about the big shiny presents, or the unexpected stocking-stuffers, or the dead pine tree in the living room, or the grease fire in the kitchen. No -- it's not about those things. It's about family, and love, and huffing cans of fake snow until we pass out. It's also about love. And losing brain cells. And did we mention the love? Damn, it's so warm in here. And so itchy. How can you stand it?!
cf/x products, in your modestly uncapitalized fashion, you have made our little green hearts grow three sizes today. You deserve a well-packed 8.2, which we will deliver the moment your back is turned.
